Ep. 14 - Work on it Wednesday

I'm not sure how to fit everything in that I want to get done... But here are my thoughts on a few steps to give it a shot. Let's work on it together. If you agree, let me know... Or let me know if anything has helped you start moving.

There is some curing in this episode. Mostly about Debbie... But you'll hear more about her in this episode. Enjoy!

Transcript

This is It’s Only in Trying — a weekly podcast about the beautiful messiness of becoming.

This is for the girlies who have a dream… but who also have obligations. You know, like kids, job, social life, general needs… et cettera.

I’m working on a path for myself to achieve some really deep, yearning needs and desires, while also trying to figure out how to balance all that normal life stuff I just mentioned, and I want to see if it resonates with anyone else. 
Here are the steps I’ve decided are necessary, thus far. One - Figure out your deprivation levels, Two - Review what’s holding you back, Three - Find one hour a week (what I am calling Work on it Wednesday), Four - Do one bold thing, and Five - Follow the leaders.

Alright, here we go…

Number 1- Figure out your deprivation levels.

Do you need lots of sleep? Do you function better after you’ve had a girls trip or vacation? Or, do you just need that 8:00am coffee after you’ve dropped the kids at school? Figure out the level of deprivation you can stand. Some of us can cut our expenses down to zero and live on someone’s couch for a year while we chase our dreams. Great. But most of us can’t do that. One because maybe we have tiny humans or animal babies to support so that is not possible, but two maybe because you enjoy travel or those specialty coffees and fail after a month of depriving yourself and fall into a pit of despair and just think “well, I guess that life’s not for me…” no, it is, just not at the pace or level everyone else has told you you need to achieve it at. So really sit down and think about what things you could cut, or limit, or move without causing a total crash into that pit of despair.

Maybe we cancel a streaming service, and limit our television consumption by 1 less hour a week. If that feels ok, maybe cut a little more. Start cutting and making moves in small amounts, in order to find the place where you are getting the enjoyment from the thing, but don’t feel absolutely cut off or deprived. That’s your happy deprivation balance. Ease into finding your level of deprivation - because life and the enjoyment of life is still an absolute necessity. No one EVER needs to go from zero to one hundred… EVER. Even if it’s for that big dream of yours.

Number 2- Make a list of your “holding you backs”.

What are the things that keep getting in your way? Whether mentally, or physically. Maybe you’ve got to replace the water heater, the cars need new tires, you keep self sabotaging but are afraid to go to therapy. Write it all down. Then decide where to start. The journey to the top is so much more difficult if you keep carrying all your unnecessary shit. And if you keep avoiding it, it will continue to linger in the shadows causing you anxiety and grief. If you really take a look, turn on all the lights, those things that seemed so big and scary, actually aren’t that scary anymore.

Once you have your list, decide how you want to tackle the “holding you backs”. Do you want to do the waterfall approach (like paying off debt)? Maybe you are someone who prefers to start small. Check boxes and that’s what gives you momentum. Great! Do that. Start saving $10 a week to put towards the tires or the water heater. Once you’ve saved the money, book the appointment and get the thing fixed. You’ve just unloaded some of that mental load banging around in your head that is keeping you stuck.

This, however, is not a linear thing. There will be good and bad days. Ups and downs. Of course there will be. Are you kidding me? You can’t tell me you’ve gotten this far without a total breakdown in the target dressing room because you picked up a pair of pants that were the size too small and you unknowingly tried to shove your ass into them and omg they don’t fit, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that second donut, I hate this place, I want to light target and the fucking pants on fire!! So ya, there are gunna be bad days. But all you have to do is mentally prepare for those days. Have your bestie on speed dial, send them a 10 minute voice memo, or go put on the baggy pair of sweat pants you stole from that guy you dated in college which are so broken in and so baggy that they make you feel like a delicate little ballerina and try again tomorrow. The point is that you don’t let those days stop the progress completely.

Make your list, then pick your path to tackle them. This list may also grow and shrink as you start to work through it. That’s ok. There will come a day when the list is down to a thing or two, or maybe it’s up to 10, but now you know what the monsters look like, aren’t so afraid, and you finally feel like you can breath and really start pushing forward. Yes, that’s when you know it’s time to go to step 3.

Number 3 - The work on it Wednesday.

If you are an energizer bunny, it took you 3 days to get here. That’s amazing. Not all of us can run our race that fast. This is where step one and two come together - because you know your deprivation happy balance (you know - for sanity’s sake) and your “holding you backs” are just a list of to do’s that aren’t hiding in the shadows anymore.

So now, we find the one hour a week you can dedicate to the thing you want most. That’s all I want from you. Pick a morning or evening while the kids are sleeping and that is your business planning time, your writing time, your recipe trying time. Schedule it in your calendar and do it, like clockwork, every week.

I want to pause here and mention again, this is your race. This is your life. Don’t let Debbie down the street who has three kids, meal preps fresh fucking meals for her family every week, works a full time job, and volunteers for the PTA discourage you or be who you compare yourself to. You’re right, Debbie is fucking incredible. Debbie has, what appears to be, her shit together. And that’s amazing for Debbie. But comparing yourself to Debbie, is probably another one of those things that is keeping you from moving forward. Just because you can’t do everything like Debbie, DOES NOT mean you don’t get to do it or that you won’t be able to.

Ok, so for all of us who are not Debbie… it will take us longer… much, much longer, to get what we want. We cannot all be Debbie. Do I wish my life could be as easy as what Debbie makes it look like? Uh, hell ya… but Debbie also has her own shit. Maybe she’s on the PTA because she decided to forgo starting that restaurant she dreams of until the kids are grown.

Pick your one night a week.

Keep that deprivation level in mind - because maybe you enjoy watching the latest Disney movie with your kids every Friday night and those nights won’t last forever so, for now, Wednesday’s are your only “me days”… Wednesday, is your day to work on it.
So, Repeat after me - “I am not Debbie.”… “Debbie is not me”… “I will run my own race”… “No matter how long it takes me”… “because the only thing that matters is that I keep going”…

Alright, Number 4 - do one bold thing.

These are not my words. I think I’ve heard several incredible women say this over the years as I have mashed a million podcasts and master classes into my head. And they’re right. This is the place I would run up to repeatedly and then turn back crying like a kid who just saw a clown for the first time. (If you’re not afraid of clowns… yikes).

But here’s the thing… you’ve got to do the one bold thing. So, maybe you’ve spent your Wednesday’s writing, testing, revamping, or perfecting whatever it is that you are doing on your “work on it” day. You’ve done it. That coffee cake you created has the right amount of crunch and softness. It would make any grocery shopping granny or bougie brunch bitch sa-woon. Fuck ya!

But now guess what… you’ve got to actually share it with people. This thing you are so proud of and don’t want to be judged or ridiculed… you’ve gotta share it. Maybe you post in your neighborhood facebook page that you started to make coffee cakes for friends and are happy to take orders. Make the post. If no one responds, set up a booth at the farmers market, or hell, set up a table at the end of your driveway and sit there staring like those creepy little kids who beg you to buy the lemonade they stirred with their booger-covered hands.

Do one bold thing.

Now, guess what happens after you’ve done the one bold thing? Most of the time, nothing. You go on living and the world keeps spinning. I’m positive, unless grocery granny really hated your cake, no one will shame or ridicule you. Then, the best part is you get to get over yourself and just start doing bold stuff all over the place. You realize the worst thing that can happen is you get some bad feedback… but that’s just how you make yourself better… and now you’ve lived through it! You’re fine!

Then we do one more bold thing, and another, and another.

Number 5 - follow the leaders.

There is so much out there now about how to start a business and all the things you have to do, so I don’t need to repeat that here. That’s not what this is for. This, for me, and hopefully for anyone else interested, is meant to get us moving. My fear is that we women only see the perfect end result and count ourselves out because we can’t do it all right away or at 100%. It’s just not true my beautiful friends, that there is only one way to do things. There is room for all of us here…. It’s not just those that can run a million miles an hour on empty and still look flawless. Lift each other up, hype up your friend who’s trying something new, hype yourself up when you’ve done your Wednesday night work 3 weeks in a row!

There is truth to the fact that you need to put in the work to get the reward. Ya, absolutely. But there is no rule that the work has to be done all at once at laser speed or to the total and utter detriment of ourselves. It will have to be done, but do it at a sustainable pace for yourself. The world needs all of us, not just the few.

So, find your speed or deprivation level, make a list of those heavy things that are holding you back, find an hour a week to dedicate to yourself, do one bold thing, and then follow all the other incredible women leaders if you want to make that dream even bigger.

Just remember, you’re doing better than you think.