This is It’s Only in Trying — a weekly podcast about the beautiful messiness of becoming.
Today I have another brief story for the people I love. Enjoy.
A woman sat staring out the front window of her home, thinking: First, how much it needed to be cleaned. Smudges from the sticky fingers of her daughter were mixed with wet-nose prints from her loving dog. A reminder of the love in the house.
But second, she thought about all this window has seen, has allowed her to see. The neighbors who have neatly planted a row of trees that will one day block the view of their neighbor’s house. The children up the street who walk hand-in-hand to the bus stop every morning to be taken to school. The woman who rides her bike in circles around the neighborhood, stopping to say hello, lovingly, to each and everyone she can. The window shows so much to the woman. For that she is grateful. The window gives her a view of the changing world but also the perpetual cycles of life, showing that change is inevitable but somehow always feels the same. The trash always comes on Tuesday even if snow has fallen. The mighty oak tree always stands just a little in the way, blocking the woman’s view into the neighbor’s house even when no leaves are left on its braches. What a wonderful thing to be witness to so much life.
But then the woman’s smile changed to a frown. A witness. A witness is all the window will ever get to be - seeing all but never participating in it. Sure, to be the witness means never having to feel the pain… but it also means never getting to fully experience the joy. Joy, the thing that makes your heart feel full, literally full. The thing that makes you feel connected with the people you love. The thing that makes you feel like a participant rather than just a witness to life.
Had the woman been doing the same thing? Staying a witness, watching through the window thinking that was living?
The sadness in her deepened as she realized the window she loved so much, the one that had been so steady, shown her so much life, would never get to leave this spot, would always just remain a witness. Heart aching, the woman rolled her shoulders in, hugging herself as she realized she herself had also become just a window, a witness.
Pain had brought her to a place that made being only a witness to life feel safer… but that pain was old now. Now the only pain she felt was for the life she was failing to participate in. She wasn’t a shut-in; no, she had continued to work, care for her daughter and dog, and see friends now and then. But mostly, she had become a window - watching everyone else grow and change while she remained the same, stuck in her pain and never healing.
“Okay” she said softly, pressing her fingertips gently to the window. “Thank you for reminding me that life is meant to be participated in and not just witnessed.” The woman knew more pains would lie ahead for her… but so would joy.
I hope you like this story. This gentle reminder that life is meant for the living. Let me know if you enjoyed this simple reminder. Remember to be a participant in this one beautiful life we have.
And, just remember, you’re doing better than you think.
